Billy & Me Quest for Eats

26-27 Lisle Street, London, WC2H 7BA
Telephone: 0871 0752925

I’ve been reading Orbital by Ian Sinclair recently and so have decided to do this blog in the style of a near-random-train-of-thought. I’ll just keep typing for a few minutes and when I stop for more than 3 seconds I’ll post it up unedited. How exciting…

Searching for food through London’s cheaper options. Behind bars. Corridors of greying brick; having stood accepted for years are now upstaged by gaudier new rivals. Amongst the last of these narrow passages. Kintaro. Dodging black-cabs. Shuffling restuaranters. Chinatown’s attic where the backward cousins live. A bucket of fishheads a week. Sushi to our western palates. And all the more agreeable for it. Crammed seats. German sharp words hitting the ribs and nudging the headrest. Bento ordered and delivered. Wasabi hot. Miso revitalising. Mackerel swimming in sweet Terkiyaki like some Lea survivor pushing to the freedom of the Thames. Freedom just means you have no choices left. Tea and beer in equal quantities. The great bridge between East and West was beneath our feet all along!!! The bottoms of our glasses just obscured it. How were we to know; nurtured on Hawksmoor, Constantine and sarnies? This new wave no/know better. Memorising phonetic codes and suggestions to validate ties and shiny shoes. Asahi! Kirn! Stella!?!?!!?!! You know only compromise. But compromise is good enough surely; if the new natives do it. If their standards are trustworhty and they surely are then there is no argument. None. It passes all tests. Imported qualities of vim and vigour for our pallid euro forms. Beers offered to suit every adventure, every fear. Quantities for my invertebrate friend. Best Value!!! Recommended.

Billy: 6
Eoin: 8
Googlemap here

Papageno Restaurant
29-31 Wellington Street
London WC2E 7DB
Look for their map here: http://www.papagenorestaurant.com/contactus.htm

“It’s called chronic healing.. it’s all about meditation and your chakras; it’s very important to meditate every day” the words come repeated again and again and AGAIN from the table beside us… All delivered in the most ‘fingernails being drawn slowly over a blackboard’ of eastern US accents. Yet, even this (nor the slightly sinisiter extra from the Soprano’s eyeing my companion) can detract from the sheer opulent delight to be found in our surroundings.

Papageno is just plain fun.

Tacky gold wraps of material, gold painted exposed pipes, and sprayed gold classical instruments cleverly disguise peeling walls and filthy brickwork. It’s a delight visually.

… and the food ain’t bad either. I had the Big Boss Seafood Selection (I shit you not; I was the biggest boss of all) for starters with the Monkfish for my main course. It reminded me very much of Eastern European fare; very simple dishes served up to a reasonably good quality. Nothing particularly praiseworthy in either skill or innovation. I think the only thing that really bothers me about this style of food (which, to be fair, almost always leaves me satisfied) is that it can only ever be so good. New potatoes, monkfish and steamed vegtables reach their taste event horizon at a an early stage and, once the bill over-reaches that mark, I start getting annoyed.

Papageno cuts it very close but, with the surroundings being as ludicrous as they are, we can forgive it.

Billy: 7
Eoin: 7

The Delhi Brasserie
44 Frith Street
London
W1D 4SB

Well… you can’t beat the tableside entertainment at least…

Oddly the Europride festival was timed exactly alongside the England match in the World Cup. It was difficult to tell who was who as virtually everyone there was a barechested male skinhead… We took to spotting either Red Bull or Stella Artois in their hands, which was a reliable method. See: http://www.flickr.com/photos/waxydan/180575295/

The food that arrived was perfectly adaquete; prompt, plentiful and fairly tasty, as you can see…

… but nothing to really write home about.

So I won’t.

Billy: 6
Eoin: 5

Wong Kei’s
41-43 Wardour Street
London
W1D 6PY

“No visit to London is complete without at least one visit to the Wong Kei.”: Rob - Monday, December 05, 2005

“I have been coming to this restaurant on and off for nearly 30 years. “: David Gower - Tuesday, November 15, 2005

“If you go to London, you can forget to visit Buchingam Palace, Trafalgar Square or Downing Street,but you can’t forget to visit Wong Key Restaurant”#: Andrea - Saturday, November 12, 2005

“The best chinese restaurant. I eat in wong key restaurant a lot of time when I lived in London”: Andrea - Saturday, November 12, 2005

(quotes taken from http://www.london-eating.co.uk/2971.htm)

“All of the above people are idiots” Billy. 12/01/2006

I’ve been told Wong Kei’s is something of a London institution. One of those famous places that you bring your out-of-town mates too as a London novelty. You know, like the Eye, or the Tate Modern, or Brick Lane, or some Soho back alley mired with cat urine, smelly leaking bin bags, and a plate of what could somewhere be termed food… ‘cause really you may as well go there rather than pay for anything in Chinatown.

The rudeness of the staff, I’m told with good authority, is an amusing side to eating here. I haven’t found the staff to be particularly rude; just as bored and dismissive as in most other establishments in Chinatown. Certainly not rude enough to be unique and definitely not enough to entertain.

The food is dull and tasteless. I do like my soya and chilli condiments, but shouldn’t have to rely on them so heavily. So why do I keep going back? There is a simple reason as to why I enjoy eating in Chinatown (and no, it’s never been the food); it’s that I get to rant and bitch about it for months after the fetid experience. Unfortunately, when I’ve had a few and I’m in the area and peckish (and for some unknown reason can’t find Misato) I forget this simple fact. Invariably, as soon as the first spoonful of moist msg-laden goo passes my lips I remember. Which isn’t altogether bad, as I can at least look forward to the meal ending and the bitching begining.

Link to gmap
Billy: 7
Eoin: 2

Glas
3 Park Street,
London,
SE1 9AB

Twas a special night for littl’ Billy. A reunion had been organised for our old workplace (for escapees and ‘those who remain’ both). So the little guy got to meet the people who discovered and christened him again. A momentous occasion.

We didn’t, and still don’t, know the area around London Bridge very well at all. Which may seem odd, as our main route into the city centre stops there. But, outisde of the occasional foray to the wonderful Borough Market (where fruit smoothies, ale, and whole bleeding deer vie for your consumer attention), it always seems like there isn’t a whole lot there. The walk between Tower Bridge and London Bridge along the South Bank is magical, and the eateries down by the Design Museum have rather magnificent views…. but, once you’ve done that, you’ve done it, and there isn’t much to bring your interest back again.

In that, it seems, I was mistaken.

One of our dining companions, from a larger than usual group had worked in the area around Borough Market a few years previously. He knew the area well and spun wonderous tales of cuisines and booze-joints to make littl’ Billy’s head spin.

We finally decided upon a Swedish dining establishment; Glas. Now… I don’t know Swedish food. Billy makes lewd claims about a student exchange programme he once went on; but I think he’s just making it up. My complete ignorance of the cuisine encouraged me to go.

The food is a tapas menu of sorts; very small portions of which you are advised to order two or three each. We ordered reindeer (twas Christmas after all), venison, vodka and lime fish (I was a bit drunk by this point… it was a white fish… hrrmmm), a fish soup, and a variety of vegtables. Testicles were also offered but I couldn’t summon up the courage by myself unless being dared or goaded into it, and no one had the heart (or perhaps the cruelty) to do so. The less adventurous among us had potatoes… very nice potatoes, but potatoes nonetheless. Which was fine; as it left more for the rest of us.

The meats were excellent; thick, succulent slices of rare meat. The Venison which came spiced and with liquorice jus was especially opulent. However; the portions were indeed too small to really savour it as a meal and the other offerings ,while interesting for novelty value, wouldn’t tempt us back.

In any case, a good night was had by all. As always with such reunions, it ended with tearful goodbyes and a drunken flight for the last train (which was mercifully attained); but it was a very enjoyable evening.

Eoin: 7 (just for the rare meat; probably 6 without)
Billy: 8 (though that might be because he had everyone else’s as well)
Click here for gmap

Bakko
172-174 Muswell Hill Broadway
London
N10 3SA

This was our first introduction to what will soon be our new area of London; the north east. We were delighted. Muswell Hill seems lovely and we’ll certaintly be reporting on more eateries in the area.

There’s a wonderful attention to detail, fun, and opulence! Just little things that make your meal far more enjoyable. Ordering a desert between two; it arrived neatly sliced, so Billy and I didn’t need to fight over it. Turkish coffee comes with a selection of Turkish delights.

The staff are attentive and good-humoured; cheeky but just on the right side of obnoxious (a fine line). A slight slip up by the waiter in delivering food is highlighted as comedy and adds to a very relaxed and welcoming atmosphere.

The food is fairly straight forward fair; we had kofte and iskander; both excellent, filling and fresh from the grill.

Very nice. Very nice indeed.

Billy: 7
Eoin: 7
Link to gmap here

The Alexandra Bar and Eating House
376 Seven Sisters Road,
London,
N4 2PQ

Very mediocre pub. Not too bad, but nothing really to recommend it either.

Nice staff (though 5 minutes for two beers when there are no other customers is a bit much; also just dropping them on one end of the bar and not telling us they’re there, when we’re sitting by the bar, was also none too welcoming).

Full of irritating little wideboy-wannabes. Group of 5 or 6 lads kept pushing around the very small bar, calling to each other, and opening all the doors on a really cold night; pretending to look for dealers/customers. Ch*v w*nkers.

Though, to be fair, pretty good thai food at a very reasonable price. Served very promptly from an interesing menu. Unfortunately, the slightly-too-loud crap dance music didn’t exactly add extra spice to the meal.

Link to gmap
Billy: 5
Eoin: 4 (lost a point or two for atmosphere)

The Salisbury, Harringay
1 Grand Parade,
Green Lanes,
London,
N4 1JX

Very very very nice pub.

We headed in on a cold night after a long long day and received a warm welcome in this warm comfortable environment. The pub itself could easily veer toward the ostentatious on account of the impressive ironwork over the door and roomy wooden rooms. But friendly staff (made all the more obvious by how many regulars they knew the names and regular drinks of) certainly produce an excellent pub.

Food was quite good. It can be hard to find good mussels in London pubs and I wasn’t disappointed. Just a personal preference; I’m not a big fan of a white sauce on seafood.

Link to gmap

Billy: 8
Eoin: 6

The Freemason’s Arms
32 Downshire Hill,
Hampstead,
NW3 1NT

Neither Billy nor I had been to Hampstead Heath before. Billy claimed he holidayed in the area some ten years ago during a crazy hedonistic student binge weekend… but I’m not sure I believe him (luckily he rarely reads the blog, so probably won’t see that…).

The three of us ventured up on a Sunday afternoon, just to go somewhere different. It really is a lovely park. It’s large enough to actually be able to stretch your legs without just running around in circles desperately avoiding an exit. The view across London is truly spectacular and great for the inevitable “what’s that over there?” game. Very pleasant afternoon.

And a very pleasant pub. The Freemason’s Arms is quite a find; it’s one of those pubs you stumble across at just the right moment of thirst, hunger, and chill and are met with good food, good beer, and chatty good staff. The interior is very well decorate; bare stone walls with various Buddha statues and similar dotted throughout. It’s subtle enough to create a pleasant interesting atmosphere without falling into pretension.

The staff are very fast on their feet without seeming hurried (I think the word I’m searching for is competent). Billy was delighted at a good range of filling foods. What’s on offer is basically pub grub (mash potatoes, steak, pie, etc.) with a touch extra (some roast asparagus on the mash) which actually works very well. To be honest, for the price, I expected slightly something more flavoursome having ordered a seared tuna steak on a bed of crunchy asparagus and mash. But, it was perfectly fine.

The reason I would recommend the Freemason’s so highly is a combination of staff, atmosphere (noisy with people laughing and chatting; not music or flashing machines), and a great location (just at the edge of the park).

Eoin:7
Billy:9 (though, this is in the throes of illness so his appetite wasn’t all that it could be)
Super new special score for atmosphere: 9
Googlemap: here

Busaba
106-110 Wardour Street
Soho
London

Now, I’m going to be particulary vicious here as I once raved about this place. Many people have. It’s one of the those wonderful London places you discover and want everyone to know about. Food that’s the equal of that served in Thailand. Exciting and spicy dishes. Som Tam that singes the roof of your mouth and sharply pricks at your tastebuds, hot delicate soups and wonderful zingy drinks… This was an excellent establishment… was.

Neither Billy nor I had been there for a while. Billy mentioned that he had read Busaba had changed hands; it hadn’t occured to me that perhaps they had exchanged their chefs for rabid monkeys in the process.

We ordered very simple Thai fare: Pad thai (that stalwart dish) and Som Tam (the definitite taste of Bangkok; for Billy at least). It’s hard to mess up Pad Thai; I mean it’s basically stir-fried noodles using Thai seasonings. It’s hard to delibrately decide to use greying greasy meat for it. It’s difficult to see how one could arrive at the conclusion that it should be a tepid temperature. I’m not sure how one would believe that it should be entirely devoid of flavour. For me at least; when I have to reach for the soy bottle to drench my food; things are not as they should be.

The Som Tam drove a nail through my heart. It’s my favourite dish; bar none. I’ve very special memories of Som Tam vendors mashing and slicing madly on the kerbs in Bangkok to create this wonderful meal. Som Tam is simply green papaya, roasted nuts, and chillis (with other ingredients such as sugar, fish sauce, dried shrimp amd so on changing according with the chef); all shredded and mashed together. If you have the correct ingredients, it is a very simple dish to produce, that produces a wonderfully delicate searing sensation (if you think that sounds contradictory; shuddup). When it’s a handful of peanuts floating about a bowl full of watery fruit, it doesn’t inspire quite so well.

To close; the staff were incompetent (though very friendly while failing to complete one order correctly for anyone within earshot) and the lifeless muck presented as food was a tad disappointing. This was a treasure; now it’s a farce. I’ll go to MacDonald’s next time; where I’ll at least get exactly what I expect.

… Billy’s crying little wormy tears.

Eoin: 2
Billy: 4

Multimap: here

Vue Cinema Islington
36 Parkfield Street
Islington
N1 0PS

HOT DOGS, Ar-mour HOT DOGS
What kind of kids love Ar-mour HOT DOGS?
Big kids, lit-tle kids, kids who climb on rocks
fat kids, skin-ny kids, ev-en kids with chicken pox
love HOT DOGS, Ar-mour HOT DOGS
The dogs kids love to bite!

[Revised Version] Circa 1968

Going to see Land of the Dead…. Vue’s hotdogs certainly help me relate to the characters….

It was almost a Wagnerian experience.

Googlemap: here
Billy:7
Eoin:3

Del’Aziz
24-28 Vanston Place
Fulham
SW6 1AX

Hrrrmmmm…. not a lot to say about this place really; which I feel kinda bad about. It’s actually been a well over a week since we were there (I’ve backdated the timestamp) and I still can’t think of anything interesting to say.

In any case, we had built up quite a lot of tension in the week before (poor Billy’s appetite had only been sporadically voracious… poor little fella) and we had a present some time ago of a massage voucher; so off we went.

Billy did pretty well out of it; emerging with a mighty hunger. I did feel better afterward, but Christ, that was the most genuinely painful massage I’ve ever recieved. I spent an hour gritting my teeth and trying not to scream out loud. In future, when asked if I like hard or soft massages, I think going for the “oh, really hard would be good” would be an error. Likewise suggesting she “get in there and go for it” if she encounters any real pockets of resistance around my shoulders would, I feel, be a gross error of judgement. Speaking to her afterward; I had built up some serious knots and it did help a lot… I think taking up pilates might be in order.

Anyway, the food!!!!

Neither Billy nor I had been around Fulham before, so we felt it was a good opportunity to explore new vistas of eats. The three of us scouted about the area and entered into Del’Aziz as it served big chunky crusty ciabatta sandwiches which Billy had spotted from outside (observant wee fella). The interior (and exterior for that matter; it’s a pedestrianized street with lots of seats outside) is vibrant and interesting. It’s jammed full of big satisfyingly weighty wooden blocks for tables and chairs; all the food (most notably the deserts) are laid out in all their colourful splendour. Various metal teapots and earthenware bowls are also laid out for sale.. It’s quite the food branding experience. Like Starbucks but with some attempt made at authenticity.

Unfortunately, as it really is an interesting and lively place; nether the food nor the service are really up to much. We ordered roast lamb, feta, and random leaves in a ciabatta and chickpea salad (with a fantasic dressing) on the side. Our dining companion had a meatball stew in a flame-hued tomato sauce. It all looked fantastic, but.. the salad arrived sometime after the ciabatta (I had almost finished) and the stew arrived after that again. We were waiting quite some time for rather weak coffee as well. Again, it all looked great; big steaming litre bowls of coffee and stew served in attractive earthenware dishes… but the food was quite bland and lifeless. Actually, that’s unfair. The roast lamb was very good, but I was annoyed at waiting for so long. The stew and salad were both perfectly acceptable, if missed opportunities at making something more flavoursome.

All in all, it’s an above average place. I certainly wouldn’t travel to go there but, if I was in the area looking for a bite, I would certainly pop back in. Nice place. Nice, if a bit slow, staff. Nice for people-watching. Nice little street. Nice food. All very… nice.

Billy: 6
Eoin: 6

Multimap here

The Dicken’s Inn in St Katherine’s Docks

To be fair, before we start slapping this pub about the face, we should lay out the context. When I first came to London (when I were a wee lad, and Billy hadn’t even learned to wiggle), I went to Katherine’s Docks and was gobsmacked. I hadn’t travelled much at all, and this lovely mess of water and walkways, bars and ships really grabbed my imagination. I returned a few years later with some friends, on an absolutely wonderful weekend of debauchery, had drinks and chats in this flower-laden pub in the sun. So, to be fair, when I revisited this spot today… it could never live up to the memories I had.

… though also, to be fair, the food and the service are shit.

It’s always empty inside and with good reason. The outside area is actually lovely on a sunny day. The exterior of this three floor wooden building is covered with bright cheery flowers flowing over the solid balconies and mezzanines. It has a large interior bar on the ground floor, a pizzeria and a full restaraunt on the second and third stories.

But the food and service are shit.

It has big wide windows, affording striking views of the Tower of London, that are great for people watching. It’s in a great location far from the sounds of London traffic and should be a relaxing location to meet mates, have some nosh and slowly reach a very satisfying state of inebriation.

… But the food and service are shit.

On a Sunday afternoon, most of the menu wasn’t available. What was on offer was either cold and jelly-filled meat pie, a rather soggy cold quiche, or a roast that looked like it was left over from the week before. The staff were unhelpful and aggressive (moreso with each other than with the customers admitedly; the barman took a break from my order to shout at the top of his voice some entirely intelligible at the floor staff, before walking off and shouting at another barman to serve me).

The beer was poorly poured (and, y’know it’s not that hard to pull a pint), the food wasn’t even stodgy enough to interest Billy (and Billy’s interest would be piqued by a fried rat), and the staff ill-mannered.

It’s a shame as it is a lovely building and it does have great views, but… the food and service are shit.

Multimap: here

Billy: 4
Eoin: 3

Went to the mayor’s festival last night (well, last Sunday now that I’ve finally gotten around to publishing this) on the South Bank. Which was very enjoyable. The night carnival by Waterloo was fantastic, amazing costumes and moving metal sculpture thingies. The fireworks were great as well. So all good.

I don’t know what it is about these things that the food is always just…. nearly… halfway-decent. It’s never just plain terrible, it’s always just…. okay… I mean, Squarepie have stalls, why not here??? No Mr. Coffee; “He’s so Frothy” stand set up!!? Where were the really good London travelling food people that we know and love so very much???

To be fair, as we walked down as far as the Tate; we began to pass by some fantastic looking Slovkian food, Brazillian donuts (one reason I miss Roman Road so…), and a great fudge stall. But Billy has narky; so speed was an issue.

Our companions for the evening remarked that it was no great surprise that Billy and I were writing this blog when, from across the Thames at Embankment, I wrinkled my nose and exclaimed”Ooh! They’re selling bbq chicken over by the Eye, we should head over there!”.

The queue at the ubiquitous jerk chicken stand was, unfortunately, at least a mile long (which, upon looking at what else was on offer was no surprise). A poor choice of Indian (with no curry or dahl), Oriental (chow mein, blackbean, yadda yadda) and Mediterranean bread… I settled for Thai green curry in the end and it was just dull. Which infuriates me, as it doesn’t even make for a good story. If it was terrible I could really let loose at the keyboard but “dull”!!!!

In any case, the moral in the tale became clear; as satisfied customers headed away with their jerked chickens and one of our companions arrived back from the food stall with a toasted feta and sundried tomato paninni (no mention of that our their understated sign!): be patient and observant and good food will come naturally.

Multimap: link
Billy: 7
Eoin: 3

Abeno Too
15-18 Great Newport St,
WC2H 7JE
(020 7379 1160).

Really nice place this. We ate there quite a while ago and I’ve been waiting for an excuse to blog it. It’s a Japanese place and has a good selction of side orders (sashimi, edamame, etc.) but the main pull is really the GIANT OMLETTE PIZZA THINGS COVERED WITH FISH FLAKES.

They’re called Okonomi-yaki, and they’re fantastic.

They look a bit like this:

It’s a big heap of cabbage, egg, and ingredients of your choice (kimchi, bacon, squid, etc.) slapped on a hot plate (in the middle of your table) and lovingly cared for by your waiter until it’s reached perfection. Then you have the option of eating it plain, or having it covered with Japanese Mayonnaise, odd brown sauce, fish flakes and chilli sauce.

They’re a huge departure from the Japanese food I’m more accustomed to. I associate delicate flavours and light ingredients with Japanese cuisine; so I was surprised by these gigantic flavoursome pancakes.

It’s fairly well priced (about £8 for a large main course). The surroundings are nice; wooden benches (knee-bruisingly short, but it’s a small price to pay), good windows for people watching, and the oddest cheesiest music in the world (they played the title track from Halo and Banana Phone while we were there which, coincidentally, is my ringtone).

We would definitely recommend it as something a bit different for a change; that could well become a regular haunt.

Billy: 8 (kept Billy filled and happy for most of the Mayor’s Festival… well he got about an hour before eating a plate of curry.. just go for the super-deluxe option if you need to keep your Billy happy)
Eoin: 8 (though the food could get a tad repetitive which would lower the score over time)

Streetmap link here